9 things nearly as bad as an estate agent

 

Estate agents are literally the worst things in existence. They are even worse than the misuse of the word literally. While nothing is as bad as an estate agent, we thought we’d give them a chance and see if there was anything that came close. Here’s the list of the ten things almost as bad as an estate agent.

Public Transport

The only upside to taking public transport is that it’s not lethal. And that upside is debatable after spending 45 minutes with your nose in a sweaty middle aged telesales manager’s armpit. But even 6pm on the Northern line is preferable to inviting an estate agent over to dinner.

Man-made Fibres

It’s hard to imagine that there’s anything worse than a polyester shirt. Kanye West famously bans his drivers from man-made fibres, and rightly so. Perhaps the only thing worse than an estate agent is an estate agent in a synthetic shirt.

Silicon Sealant

As everyone knows, silicon bathroom sealant is the devil’s work. Who else would design a water sealant that goes black with mould when it comes into contact with water? It can only come from Beelzebub himself. Or the twisted mind of an estate agent.

Burning Mouth on Melted Cheese

You know how it goes. You put the cheese on the toast, whack it under the grill, make a cup of tea, and then hungrily take a bite of your freshly melted cheese on toast. That scorched skin on the roof of your mouth might be bad, but it doesn’t hurt as much as your estate agent ringing again to say the landlord has just had a slightly higher offer, but if you’re quick with a counter offer you might just get the flat.

Stepping on an Upturned Plug

Next time you stumble bleary eyed to the bathroom at night and step on an upturned socket, remember things could be worse. That pain searing through your foot is better that a £600 tenancy application fee.

Hard Ice Cream

Think there’s nothing worse than ravenously tearing open a tub of Ben & Jerry’s, only to find the spoon bends as you try to scoop the ice cream out? Try getting an estate agent to explain to you what that application fee is actually for – turns out “admin” is very expensive.

Screw-top Wine Bottles

A bottle of wine is more than just a container of grape juice, it’s an art form – so why ruin it with a screw top? As puzzling as the screw top is, there are greater mysteries out there. For instance, how do estate agents sleep at night?

Politicians

This one might be seen harsh on the poor old estate agents. Surely an evening in the pub with Barry from lettings is preferable to one with Nick Clegg? But think about is this way, politicians lie about stuff no one cares about – tuition fees and the deficit. Estate agents lie about the “quiet” neighbours.

Running out of Loo Roll

Surely having to improvise can’t be worse than an estate agent? Try listening to “you won’t get a bigger kitchen in this price range” on loop for an hour and be thankful there’s a bin to dump the sock  in.

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