It is a matter of mere weeks to go until the election, and things couldn’t be a more nerve-racking for leaders of the UK’s political parties. But they shouldn’t fret if things don’t quite work out as they hope; the unique skills that they’ve acquired as politicians stand them in good stead if they fancy a career change – especially if they don’t mind entering a line of work even more hated than their current one.
We decided to re-imagine them all as estate agents, to see what the future might hold.
With his silken baby face, quaffed hair and portly demeanor, the Tory leader was born to be an estate agent. Dave’s well oiled sales patter would be a match for even the slickest Foxtons suit.
Where: The Cotswolds
Type of properties: Crumbling farmhouses
Car: Land Rover Discovery
Catchphrase: Long term investment.
The Miliband family has form when it comes to swinging dodgy property deals; Ed’s father Ralph used a deed of variation to split the family home between his wife and sons, thus reducing inheritance tax on the property. Ed might seem like an alien to most people, but he’d be perfectly at home as a wheeling and dealing estate agent.
Where: North London
Type of properties: Islington town houses
Catchphrase: Hell yes, I can do you a deal..
Clegg is the sort of man who promises one thing, then goes and does the exact opposite. We can’t imagine he’ll find it difficult adapting to his new role as an estate agent.
Type of properties: Marbella villas
Car: Suzuki Jimny
Catchphrase: I’m sorry for tripling your agency fees…
Sturgeon is a natural born hustler with a keen nose for striking hard bargains. If she gets her way this election, she could end up strong-arming the rest of the UK to Scotland’s will. If things don’t work out in politics, we can just as easily picture her “encouraging” tenants to sign on the dotted line.
Type of properties: Ex-council flats
Car: Mercedes C-Class
Catchphrase: What do you mean, ‘no’?
No one does straight-talking better than Farage; if he can talk a single issue protest party into a surging political force, he can probably talk you into shelling out for a nice four bed semi with sea views.
Type of properties: Ex-B&Bs
Catch phrase: It’s walking distance from the pub.
No one can accuse Natalie Bennett of not being a trier. The Aussie lass gives everything 110% and is the sort of go-getter any estate agent would be proud to hire.
Type of properties: Straw-insulated eco-lodges
Car: Toyata Prius
Catch phrase: I’m not really sure what I’m doing here…
Wood is the lovable Welsh aunt we all wish we had, and one imagines there isn’t a deal she couldn’t swing over a nice cup of tea. Unless it’s independence for Wales.
Type of property: Smallholdings
Car: Toyota Yaris
Catch phrase: Paid â chodi pais ar ôl piso.